As you already know from Where We Are Now, I had a second miscarriage on April 11th. We were eager for my body to recover so that we could start trying again, especially since it took 13 months to get pregnant after the first miscarriage. But, we couldn't start trying again until I started having periods again. It took around 3 months to return to normal after the first miscarriage, so I knew it could take awhile again. I sent an email out on June 19th to several of my friends with my odd prayer request: to get my period! I knew I couldn't do this on my own anymore and needed others to intercede in prayer for me. Also, I went to my Mom's In The Making group that same night and was completely covered in prayer specifically for me to start my period. It was such an amazing experience to be prayed over by this group of women that I had only known for two weeks. The prayers were again poured over me the following meeting on Wednesday night, June 26th.
Our prayers were heard! The Lord didn't delay and miraculously had me start a period the very next morning on June 27th! It was overwhelming to witness the power of prayer, even on such a small request. It was really exciting to get to share the news with all those who had prayed for me. It wasn't only my prayer that was answered, but the prayers of close to 30 other people.
On July 3rd, we went back to see our fertility doctor to talk about next steps with trying to conceive. He suggested doing an HSG test the following month and then starting back on Clomid and Follistm injections. The plan was to start everything with my next cycle.
During this time I had been reading "Pregnant with Hope" by Susan Radulovacki with my Mom's in the Making group and I was really enjoying what God was teaching me through it. Through the group, I had also learned of a book called "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize which spoke to infertility and miscarriage. I was enjoying the other book so much that I decided to go ahead and order this one too. At this point, I was hungry for as many resources and scriptures on hope that I could get my hands on.
I started reading the book on July 21st. It's a short book at only 120 pages, so I had read most of it on that Sunday and Monday. Honestly, I had trouble putting it down once I started. The book went through what the Bible says on the subject on conception, pregnancy and child bearing. I also learned a lot about fear. Where it really comes from and how it motivates Satan. It also goes through the importance of confessions and praying God's word. I loved that there are confessions for each stage of conception. From fear, to trying to conceive all the way through delivery.
I sure didn't want to motivate Satan so I chose to memorize 2 Timothy 1:7 and would repeat it anytime the fear came around. The fear of losing another pregnancy, will we ever conceive again, etc was holding me away from enjoying the fullness of God's promises for me. I could finally see that good things come from the Father and I was encouraged to step up my level of faith. I had faith, but did I really believe that God would give us another healthy pregnancy? No. The fear and disappointment had taken root in my heart and I didn't believe it anymore. I was angry and I was putting way too much hope into the doctor's hands. This verse really showed me the dangerous line of doubt that I was walking:
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." James 1:5-7
After reading through the book, I started writing down just about every verse I could find on conception, pregnancy and trusting in God. I started reading the confessions and using God's words to rebuke Satan. On Monday night, July 22nd, I told Hunter all about what I had been reading and how my heart has been opened to what I was missing out on. I had been praying and asking and asking for a baby, but doing it all without believing. I decided right then and there that I would choose to BELIEVE. I told Hunter that I wasn't sure we should even go back to the fertility doctor because I believed that God wanted to do this on his own. This was going to be part of my story. And I truly believed it.
The very next afternoon, Tuesday July 23rd, Savannah Kate and I were at the grocery store. We were getting our usual food items and going about our normal day when I got a very strong feeling that I was supposed to buy a pregnancy test. I fought it for a few seconds, knowing that it wasn't even time for me to take a test yet because it was too early. But then I remembered that I had chosen to believe that God wanted to do this on His own and His timing, so I bought a test. It was around 5 when we got home and got everything unloaded. I once again got a strong feeling telling me to go take the test. Anyone who is trying to conceive knows that you are not supposed to take a test at any other time than first thing in the morning, especially if you're taking the test several days earlier than you should be. At this point, I knew this wasn't just a strong feeling - it was God talking to me. I went into my bathroom and took the test, then sat it down on the floor. My bathroom is where I keep several scriptures posted on the wall. It's a great place because I'm in there several times a day and there's no excuse for not taking a minute to read a few scriptures. But in this moment, I only focused on one and read it over and over, Jeremiah 29:11.
And then I just knew. Before I even looked down, I knew the miracle that God has just performed. It was days too early, too late in the day to test, I hadn't used any fertility drugs and I had only had one period since the miscarriage and it took a year last time.
"For with God nothing shall be impossible" Luke 1:37
And then I cried! Hunter couldn't believe it when SK handing him the test that night. Actually he said he felt like he knew too, but didn't want to say anything to me to get my hopes up. It all came together to me. This valley that we had been in for so long taught me that God just wanted me to trust Him and boldly believe in Him. It needed to happen in a way that didn't make sense to the doctors or to us, because we knew it was completely and totally all God. I love that. And I love that He chose to use our experience to show His glory.
Where we are now?
I'm 16 weeks with a little boy! We found out the sex with an early DNA blood test. This is a new test that wasn't available when I was pregnant with Savannah Kate. When the results came in, my doctor wrote it down in an envelope for us to open later. We went on a date that night and let the cheesecake tell us the good news!
My official due date is April 2, 2014. I love that since we named our last child April because that was when she became an angel. My doctor wants to induce labor a week before the due date because of the medications I'm taking. As soon as the doctor confirmed my pregnancy they immediately started me on Lovenox blood thinner injections, baby aspirin and extra folic acid along with a prenatal vitamin. I started out giving myself the injections and quickly learned that there was no way I was going to be able to do this by myself. Something about sticking myself with a needle just didn't go well. They don't feel good either, which didn't help. So, Hunter has graciously stepped up and learned to do the injections for me. He gives me one every night in my stomach just before we go to bed. I don't know all the details about why, but you can't have an epidural with the blood thinner shots, so the plan is to switch to Heparin in the last few weeks. Heparin has a shorter life span, only working for 12 hours so you have to do it twice a day. With the Heparin, we'll be able to work around when I took the last shot and plan the induction so that it will be safe for me to receive an epidural. So our baby boy should be here at the end of March!
How do I feel?
Physically - I feel great! I didn't have any sickness at all just like with Savannah Kate. The only sickness I had was related to red meat so that is basically out of my diet now. I haven't worked out hardly at all since we found out I was pregnant. The doctor's didn't say I couldn't, but I just want to be careful. Surprisingly, I've only gained about 6-7 pounds but I've been showing since about 8 or 9 weeks. I've heard the second one shows earlier and you don't gain as much weight - so far, both are true. Honestly, I have a whole new perspective and appreciation for being pregnant so I really don't worry about the weight. I'm just so thankful for the growing belly!
In the beginning, I had a sonogram every week until I was around 10 weeks and we could hear the heartbeat by Doppler. Since then, I've gone every other week. The visits will go to the normal every 4 weeks after I start to feel movement which should be around 20-22 weeks, or even earlier since this is my second.
Emotionally - I've been up and down, especially in the beginning around the weeks when I had miscarried before. That was the first time in my life that I felt like I could see the spiritual battle being fought in front of me. I could recognize that the enemy was trying so hard to make me feel the fear again and I was amazed at how quickly it could come back to me. I often felt like Peter, when he was walking on the water. One minute I was full of hope and had no doubt, then I would feel a pain in my side and all that fear would come flooding back and I would sink. I had to continually rebuke Satan with 2 Timothy 1:7 and it worked. I still read the confessions that are filled with God's words and promises almost every day. (If you are interested in reading the confessions, please ask and I'll email it to you!) Sometimes when I would wake up in the middle of the night with fear I would start reading through my confessions and the fear would be gone. I've learned that Satan doesn't give up so I have to stay alert! I've also learned what daily dependence on God really is and that I really do need Him every single day. I've learned that the same power that rose Jesus from the grave lives in me! I can use that power to pray boldly and to cause the enemy to flee from me. I've learned the importance of praying for others and being prayed for by others. I've seen God perform miracles in my Mom's in the Making group and I'm so excited to see what else he has in store for us.
It can still be a struggle, especially while I'm still waiting to be able to feel movement. And when it's one of the weeks I don't go to the doctor. I just have to wait until I finally get to hear that beautiful sound of a healthy beating heart. When I do get to hear it, the fear is gone, all the pain was worth it and I can only hear Jesus whispering "Trust me, I'm blessing you with a son".
For those who have been praying for this little miracle baby, I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! Please keep the prayers coming all the way through the rest of the pregnancy. My next ultrasound is in 2 weeks and then we will have them every 4 weeks to monitor the baby because of the Lovenox injections.
For my friends who are still waiting for their miracle babies, please know that you are being prayed for every day. For those who may be walking this same journey that I may not know of, I would love to pray for you - no matter what your situation is and send you a list of resources that have helped me. Please send me your name so I can pray life over you. Hold on to the promises! Leviticus 26:9